Desires and Needs

Is my vacation over? Maybe. My other self finished his novel and went back to work with his boring normal job, so I get to fester in the rest of our head again. I get to have control some times, and I get to make him think dirty thoughts at inappropriate times.

So that's fun.

For those of you still keeping up on things, thank you. I haven't taken this long of a hiatus in... well, ever. I'll try to get back in the swing of things, try to reassert myself and my life in this brain I have to share.

For today, I got inspired by a conversation about desires and needs. And someone saying that bdsm erotica can't include safe words or other basic safety ideas because it 'detracts from the fantasy.' That it's never sexy to include that sort of thing.

Well, I disagree. But I'll be happy to hear your opinions too. Let me know what you think.

Wants and Needs

            Never mind what you want. Want is such a weak concept. Wishes, desires, preferences – all so fluid, all so impertinent. People want world peace. They want money and fame and love and respect. They want new cars, they want to get laid, they want an orgasm, they want success. People want a house, they want children. They want to get married.

            Forget about what you want. Tell me what you need. What do you need to have? How do you need to be treated? I don’t care what you want to do. I don’t care how you want me to treat you. I don’t care what toys you want to use, and I don’t care what you want to have happen to you.

            All I care about is what you need. So tell me. What do you need?

            Do you need to be treated like shit? Do you need me to call you an animal, to treat you as less than human? Do you need my permission to be worthless? Do you need to be treated like your opinions don’t matter? Do you need to feel hideous, unwanted, without value, a waste of space and an insult to my very presence?

            That’s what I care about. I care what you need. I care that you need me to whip you. I care that you need to be flogged, that you need to be kicked, that you need to be trampled. I care that you need help, that you need to be pushed further and further into submission.

            It isn’t easy. I understand that. I know it can be hard to get what you need. There are all sorts of blockades in the way. Barriers that you’ve spent your whole life constructing. You’ve got your self-esteem, after all. You have confidence. Your regular life demands these things. You don’t really want to be broken down into a mindless and subservient creature. That’s not what you want.

            But it is what you need. Isn’t it?

            So you need my help. You need me to help you knock down those walls. You need me to tie you up so that you can’t struggle. You’ll try to struggle anyway. You’ll try to get away, to escape the cruel ministrations I’m going to put you through. You’ll want to get out. But you’ll need to stay bound. Won’t you?

            It’s a struggle, I know. Here you are, fighting between the wants of your normal life, the pressures you’ve lived under for so long, and the desperate need to let it all go. The need to be tortured, the need to suffer just to give you back that tiny shred of value. You need to know that your agony is your purpose, that the torture gives you some reason for existence. You know you will be in pain because I wish it. It pleases me to tighten clamps on your nipples, to see the tears brim in your eyes. I enjoy seeing the lines of red rise up on your skin, hot to the touch so that I can see where it stings.

            That will give you value. You will have that tiny measure of worth because you know that you will be my toy. That you will exist for my pleasure. And just like that, without even realizing how it happened, you’ll understand that otherwise, you already are worthless. Focusing on the value you have as my toy, as my fuckdoll, will point out just how insignificant you are in all other capacities. With pain, we will break down your walls.

            And for that, you know I’ll appreciate you. I’ll be glad that you are willing to whimper for me, that you’ll beg me to stop one minute, then beg me to continue the next. You’ll beg me to keep going long after that little voice inside you starts insisting that you can’t handle any more. You’ll ask me to keep going even after you start shaking from the overload of sensory flooding.

            That voice, the one that begs you to stop, the one that begs me to stop; that’s your want. That’s your desire. You’ll want the torture to stop, you’ll want me to tell you that everything is okay. You’ll want to be comforted, to be reassured that you have value, that I see you as a person, as an equal. You’ll want to be told that this was all just a game, that it was nothing more than play. You’ll want to know that I respect your mind, that I care about your emotions, that it matters to me what you want.

            That’s what you want. But it’s not what you need.

            You have a safe word, after all. If you really needed that reassurance, if you really needed to know that I know you’re a person, you’d use that word. You wouldn’t beg me to stop. You wouldn’t cry in the hopes that there would somehow be a shred of decency in my heart, a hint of compassion in a place where words like ‘mercy’ have no place. You wouldn’t whimper, you wouldn’t struggle. You wouldn’t want me to stop treating you like a thing.

            If you needed me to stop, I would. When you need me to stop, I will. I’ll untie you. I’ll hold you when you cry if that’s what you need. I’ll whisper sweet reassurance in your ears. I’ll tell you how amazing you are, how strong you are. I’ll tell you how proud I am of you. I’ll make sure you’re not in too much pain. I’ll give you back your clothes and even give you privacy to get dressed if that’s what you want.

            I’ll tell you that you are wonderful. I’ll tell you that you are amazing, that I know you’re a person. I’ll tell you that everything else I was saying was just part of the scene, was just part of the game. I’ll reassure you and help you rebuild those walls, help you see yourself as a valuable and important person. I’ll help undo all the damage we did within the scene, and I’ll make sure you’re okay.

            When you need me to, I’ll do all that. I’ll do it without hesitation. I’ll be completely honest, completely caring. I’ll be human and treat you as a human in return. I’ll respect you and I’ll make you feel important. When that voice in your head wins out, when we cross the point where you don’t just want me to stop, I will.

            I’ll stop when you need me to.

            But not before.