Word at EbR Headquarters

Here at HQ, there's been a lot of tension in the air. Rumors of layoffs have abounded, as have rumors of binding, horsewhipping, castration, gang bang initiations, and even mandatory overtime. Thankfully, the layoff rumor has been laid to rest. We all get to keep our jobs. That, like the Shibari relaxation seminar, was a load off.



But all rumors do have a basis in fact. It seems there are some changes happening with Erotica By Request. The boss assures us that we will keep putting out the same level of quality we always have (if not better), but that we are also going to start focusing on other areas. Like blogging. So essentially, we're all going to work harder. But they've agreed to double our pay.

There was much rejoicing at that announcement, until someone pointed out that we work for free. Pro-boner (that's right). And double nothing is still nothing. Unlike sizes, where 00 is an actual thing, adding zeroes to our pay checks doesn't change anything.

Anyway, while we were talking around the water-torture-cooler, when it was old Ned's turn to be submerged in the icy water with a one hour oxygen tank, we discussed what sorts of things we might blog about.

There's erotica, sure. But isn't that just writing, not blogging? We had to figure out what blogging really was. Our first attempt, while fun, was completely unhelpful. Changing the b to an f does make a huge difference, even though it's only one letter.

Blogging could just be a recording of what people say when they get flogged. And we tried that, but the transcript of Tiffani getting flogged was pretty dull. Here's an excerpt from the most interesting part: "One hundred and six, Sir. Please sir, no more sir. (weeping. Gasp) One hundred and seven, Sir." It went on like that for quite some time. Not exactly appealing to our key demographic.

We tried asking the big man, but every time someone asks him a question, he writes a column and adds in things he thinks are funny, like that Boot rhymes with boob. None of us have told him how stupid that is. He has a fork on his desk, and it looks like it's covered in blood. It didn't used to be. And we haven't seen Jeff in a while. No one wants to ask if the two are connected.

Still on our own for figuring out what blogging was, we tried surfing the net. A fifteen hour porn marathon followed as we went from one POV humiliation site to another, got yelled at, insulted, spat at, and ordered to do terrible things to ourselves until it felt like our genitals were going to shrivel up and fall off/out. So a day well spent.

Where better, Kenny pointed out, to find out about blogging than in movies? Characters in movies are bloggers all the time these days. He rented Julia & Julia, for which he was beaten with reeds. Then he pointed out that Hackers had blogging in it, sort of. It also has a young Angelie Jolie topless. That made us happier, so we rubbed Ben Gay on his wounds. His screams helped us pretend that the plot made sense.

We tried Gossip Girl, gluttons for punishment that we are, then cleansed our palates with the Joker Blogs and Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog.

And that's about when we figured it out: A blog is just telling people thing things you're doing, giving them the inside scoop on what's up. And, when done right (see: Joker Blogs) they are awesome. When done wrong, no one reads them, so it doesn't matter anyway. Win win. Either the bosses hate what we do, in which case we don't have to do it anymore and they punish us, or the bosses love what we do, in which case we keep doing it... and they punish us.

So we'll try to keep up with what's going on here at EbR HQ. we can answer questions too, if you want. Boot's not the only one who can do that.

Don't tell him I said that.