Ask Boot: Female Supremacy

So are women better than men?
 No.

Oh, so you're saying men are better than women?
Nope.

I'm confused.
It's a matter of the law of the excluded middle. There's another option. Saying that one gender is inherently superior to the other is sexist. Saying women are better than men is just as sexist as saying men are better than women; it's just a bit more rare to hear. I don't think that's what you're really asking though; why not rephrase a bit?

Okay. What's the deal with female supremacy? Do you agree with it?
Better. Much better. Let's talk about that.



Female supremacy is really just another fetish. It's a fantasy wherein someone, usually either a female dominant or a male submissive, believes the (very sexist) idea that women are inherently superior, and should be in charge. It's a bit of a role-reversal for the patriarchy that we all live in. And to be clear, I'm not endorsing that patriarchy. As I've said before, I'm submissive.

Oh, so you are inferior to all women?
Again, no. But at least closer to the truth. And, at the same time, more dangerous. When you start throwing around terms like inferior, you're inviting a lot of really bad behavior and a lot of bad perspectives for BDSM. The dominant is not superior, the submissive is not inferior. These are just roles we play.

Let me explain. Within the context of the bedroom, I am happy giving away any power I might have, and being treated in the most degrading and humiliating ways that my partner can come up with. That sort of thing gets blood flowing to a very specific part of my body, and I like it when blood goes there. But as much as I want her (or, I suppose, him) to degrade and dehumanize me, I want it to be pretend. I don't want my partner to actually think of me as a lesser life form; I just want her to treat me that way for a little while.

When someone is considered a lesser life form, it's much easier to do terrible things to them. And not fun-terrible things; ACTUAL terrible things. It's hard to abuse someone you respect as an equal. It's hard to do harm to people you identify with. Once you start seeing other people as lesser life forms, you are opening the door to all those horrific actions. That is, after all, how the Holocaust happened: the Nazi soldiers were able to see their victims as less-than-human. It's easy to exterminate a pest. It's hard to kill a person.

Are you equating female supremacy with the Nazis?
Not at all. I'm just saying that there is a danger when we treat supremacy, or inferiority, as if they were real things and not just roles we play. I don't think that people whose fetishes include female superiority are anything like Nazis (sometimes they wear similar uniforms, but that's different). I think it's a great role to play. So I don't think female supremacy is evil, any more than I think S&M is abuse. In both cases, it can be taken to a dangerous extreme, but I think that the default is the much more sane definition. I just wanted to explain my problem with the terms. It's fine in fantasy; it's bad out of fantasy.

I feel like you're avoiding the question. 
Sorry. Let me see if I can get back on track.

Female supremacy is a fantasy world where women are all in charge. Would the world be better if women ruled everywhere? I don't know; I think it depends on the women. Just like it depends on the men. The chromosomes of leaders aren't important; the choices they make are.

That said, I think that female supremacy is much less cut and dry than people think. I mean, the women in these situations are usually more the walking fantasy version of women, not women themselves.

Huh?
Women don't lounge around in thigh high boots, corsets, and long latex gloves. They don't casually walk around with whips and riding crops, and they do have lives and personalities outside of sex. I know that's pretty obvious, but it seems like a LOT of people (mostly male submissives) seem to forget this. Women are people. People exist outside of sexual fantasies.

Which brings me to the problem with female supremacy. When it's presented as a purely sexual thing, where the women ARE all dominatrix, that's great. But if you (or anyone) wanted to actually live in that world, you'd have to accept that sometimes these goddesses of pleasure, pain, and leather will want to walk around in sweats, will have bad days where they just want to relax, and will sometimes wear flip flops, sneakers, or (god forbid) crocs. Getting dressed shouldn't always require the kind of time and effort usually reserved for fetish photo shoots.

Similarly, the men in these situations shouldn't always be forced to be naked, on their knees, and kept silent by gag or by threat. Sometimes, they should just be people. Even with the acceptance that the women get the final say, that doesn't mean that men can't hold women and make them feel safe, or that men can't express their own opinions. And, by the way, it doesn't mean that women can't hold men and make THEM feel safe either.

So I guess what I'm saying is this: female supremacy as a concept can be a lot of fun. But if you expect it to go beyond the single session, or at most beyond a week, you need to remember that everyone involved is human, and that human beings DO have lives outside of sex.

Even men?

Yes, even men. Most of the time, anyway. Just because we spend so much time thinking about sex doesn't mean we are incapable of thinking about anything else.

Maybe not at the same time, but when the blood rushes back to the rest of the body, there's almost always enough to allow the brain to have regular thoughts.