I understand might cause a person to desire pain (which causes a rush of feel-good endorphins) and what might cause a person to desire Master or Mistress/slave relationships , but can you explain what is behind the desire for humiliation (for instance, being ridiculed for having a small cock)? What is the appeal to those who crave humiliation? What is going on in the head of the humiliated, from a neuropsychological perspective?
Okay... first let me dust off my neuropsychology PhD... where did I put that? Let's see... no, it's not among my other forged documents. I guess I lost it. No trouble; I'll just make a new one. But in the meantime, let's see what I can put together without any actual expertise.
You mentioned that you know about endorphins, and that's why people like pain. Well, humiliation works as a sort of pain all by itself. Psychological pain is just as effective as physical pain in this way. Sticks and Stones will break your bones. But names? Names will fuck you up. Names will take a shit in your heart. Anyone who was ever picked on at school knows this. Anyone who has ever been called a name by someone they cared about knows this. The closer you are to the person, the more pain the words can bring.
It's also about injuring the pride. Pride is a tough thing. It's the first thing we compromise when we're dishonest, but it's the last thing we lose when times are tough. It's hard to break, but easy to injure. And we hurt it in the strangest of ways. Sometimes, our pride is hurt, and no one knows but us.
Think of humiliation like you're whipping someone's pride. And remember the difference between beating someone randomly in public and beating someone under consensual conditions? it's the same with humiliation. I like to be forced to lick someone's boots. But only in the right context. I don't walk around asking people in sexy boots if I can lick them. I may fantasize about it, but I don't DO it. (that seems like a running theme).
...and what does it feel like, exactly?
What? Not going through with some of my perverted fantasies as I walk around trying to pretend I'm a normal person? Feels kind of frustrating, but that's the price you pay for... Wait. You asked these questions before you saw any of my responses. So the odds of you asking about what I just said are, at best, slim. You probably meant "What does it feel like, exactly, when you get humiliated?"
I can't speak for everyone. Well, I can, but I shouldn't, because not everyone agrees with me. That's the problem with representative democracies... but that's a topic for another time. What does humiliation feel like to me? It sends a shiver down my spine. It makes me erect, it releases endorphins. I'm a masochist for humiliation the way some people are masochists for, well, pain. I don't know if that answers your question the way you were hoping, but there it is. I like it because it feels good, and because it makes me feel more submissive. But, like all things, has to be in the right context.
Well crap, you want me to do all the work for you? Probably. That's why you asked. I imagine it's the same way a nice, nonviolent person learns to be a sadist: listen to your heart, practice, and ask your submissive what he or she likes. Most of us have, if not experience, then at least fantasies of the things we like. We know how we want to be hit, and where. With humiliation, it's even easier.
Why do some guys like small penis humiliation? Because they are uncertain about the size of their penis, and that has become a hot button for them. They are proud of what they have, and the thought of someone laughing at them really attacks that pride. In the right context, that turns them on.
Why do some women like to be called a slut, a whore, or some other name suggesting promiscuity? Probably because they are not promiscuous, but deep down, they feel like sex before marriage (or whatever) MAKES them deserving of that name. They've obviously overcome that, and maybe it's a point of pride for them. See? Pride.
Maybe it's the loss of control (slave). Maybe it's feeling pride in their intelligence (called stupid). Maybe it's a matter of equality (pig, cow, worm, etc).
But that's just verbal humiliation. What else? Well, laughter can be the best medicine... laugh at someone for wanting the things they want, call them pathetic, act disgusted. (Just remember to reassure them during after play).
Or there's making them do something they wouldn't normally do. And by normally, I mean like in polite society. Like, for example, licking boots (no, it's not weird we keep coming back to that. We've discussed that I love doing it. Pay attention!), or kissing ass, or just wearing fewer articles of clothing.
The truth is, humiliation is an important part of BDSM. When someone kneels, that's humiliation. A collar is humiliation. Any power exchange, if you look at it right, includes humiliation.
And then there's the more intense humiliation, like spitting, toilet play, all that. But that's too much to cover right now. Want my opinions on that? Ask another question, and I'll think about it.
In the meantime, I've got some degrees to forge.
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