Hey Boot, I've got a question. How come people fantasize about things that aren't really possible? Things they can't really do, things they may not even really want to do. Why do people like that?
I'm glad you asked.
Some people only fantasize about things they can do. Their fantasies are like plans. Try this, think about that. Try it on for size, and then try it for real. "I don't have fantasies, I make phone calls" might be the order of the day for them. And that's great.
But for some people, reality barely gets the job done. Some people want to go farther, to explore the deepest, darkest parts of their psyches, to find the things that really press their buttons.
Yeah, sure. But why?
I think it has to do with fear. And shame. We're often ashamed of the things we like, the things we want to do. And when we don't indulge these desires, when we deny this part of ourselves, it starts to get bigger.
Think of any fear. Something happens that inspires that fear, and the longer you avoid the subject, the stronger the fear gets. That's how people start off afraid of crowds and end up unable to leave their houses.
Denial strengthens desires. And when we are ashamed of something, we avoid that thing. When that thing is a desire, we deny it. Which gives us a big old circle.
But in fantasy, we can go anywhere. In fantasy, we can do anything, and there are no consequences. Let's say you have a desire to kill. If you fantasize about murdering people, no one gets hurt. But if you actually do it, then hopefully someone stops you before you can. (and if not, you probably end up in prison).
Some of us start off denying something simple, some easy desire. We don't realize that it's normal, and we try to suppress it. We tell ourselves that it isn't real, that we don't really want that. That it's a phase. That the desire will go away, if we just keep refusing it, if we just keep denying it.
But it won't. That's not how things work. These urges, these desires, aren't a passing phase. They aren't just an idea that will go away. If we deny them, we force them into the realm of fantasy, we force ourselves to only experience them in our minds.
And what's wrong with that?
On the surface, nothing. It's good to have these experiences in our minds. That's why we like stories about vampires, aliens, or monsters. We like that those things can't actually happen, where we can go ahead and play in this wild imagination of ours.
But the mind is a powerful, and demanding, erotic organ. In order to please it, you sometimes have to go further than you would go in real life. And if you do that, sometimes you'll want to try the things you imagine in real life. Only by the time you get there, you might desire something that is no longer okay to want to really do.
Fantasies are good to have, and they're wonderful ways to explore your desires. But they're best off when they are supplementing you actually experiencing things, when you are fantasizing not because of some deep seated denial, but rather because you like to fantasize.
So indulge your desires. Some of them.
The rest of them, see how far your mind can take you. And leave it that way.
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