Saturday, February 2, 2013

Making Daddy Happy

Guilt is a funny thing. Sometimes, we feel guilty for something we want, or something we do. Sometimes we feel guilty because we don't feel guilty. Something that we think SHOULD bother us doesn't, and that makes us feel guilty. It's like guilt by associate.

It does at least help us be certain that we're not sociopaths. A sociopath won't feel guilty about anything, including not feeling guilty. So you can at least remember that. Don't worry about not feeling guilty; if you feel guilty for not feeling guilty, then you don't need to be guilty about it.

Okay, maybe I'm still taking too many pain pills.

Oh, and by the way, book three should be out soon (by which I mean within the next day or two, tops). And my incentive still stands.


Taking Daddy's Guilt
Nathan turned off his car and sat in the driveway. He knew he'd have to go inside soon, and he knew what would happen. He knew who was there, and how she'd look at him.

It made him hate himself. But not because it was wrong. He hated himself because it didn't bother him. It didn't feel wrong. It felt fine. It felt right. Everything about it was fine.

He should have been disgusted. He should have been wracked with guilt. Should have turned himself in and insisted on a lifetime in prison. Should have killed himself, or at least considered it. But no. He never even thought of it. He just went about his life. He got dressed every morning. Went to work. Came home. Hated himself for not feeling bad. Then went inside.

She was waiting for him, just like every day. She was on the couch, watching TV. Something meant for kids much younger than her. And she was dressed in a schoolgirl uniform even though it had been years since she had ever needed to wear one. Her hair was in pigtails, and her makeup made her look even younger. She did it on purpose. Not to make him hate himself. But to remind him that it didn't bother him.

“Honey, I'm home.” Nathan hung up his coat and loosened his tie.

“How was work, daddy?”

He grimaced. “It was fine.”

She didn't look away from the television. She just pointed to the floor in front of her and snapped her fingers a few times.

Nathan moved over and knelt on the floor in front of his daughter. She smiled down at him. “Are you ready?” she asked.

He took a deep breath. Nodded.

She reached into a little teddy bear backpack and pulled out a pink zippo with a Hello Kitty on the side. She flipped the lid open and flicked the flame alive. “Look at the fire, daddy,” she said. “Watch the flames dance. Watch them flicker and dance in my pretty pink lighter.”

Nathan stared at the fire.

“See the flame, daddy. Take a deep breath. Relax.”

He sat back a little, blinking slowly.

“Relax,” she said. “Go deeper and deeper. Just let it all drift away. Don't think about any of it. You don't need to think, do you?”

“I don't need to think,” he said, breathing deeply.

“Let it all go. Relax. Go deeper. Let it slip away. Don't worry about your job. Don't worry about mom. Don't worry about any of it. Relax.”

He let out a breath and blinked slowly. His eyes felt so heavy.

“It's okay to submit,” she said. “Deeper and deeper. You like to submit. Don't you?”

He nodded. “I like to submit.”

“You like serving me, don't you daddy?”

“I like serving you.”

“Good boy, daddy. Relax. Deeper and deeper.”

Nathan felt the weight of the world on his eyes, and he let them close.

“Just float there, daddy,” she said. “Let it all go. Go deeper and deeper. You just stay there, on your knees. Relax. Everything is fine. You stay there. I'm going to go get the camera.”

She snapped the lighter closed.

****
Nathan pulled the key out of the ignition and took a breath. He stepped out of the car and walked into the house. Hung up his coat. Pulled off his tie. “Honey, I'm home.”

“In here daddy.”

He walked into the living room and looked at his daughter. She was on the floor, watching something on the television. She looked up at him and smiled. He smiled down at her, and wondered what he would do when his little girl grew up.

She stood up. Nathan didn't remember her being so tall. She smiled at him, and he found his eyes drifting down her body. She was beautiful, just like her mother. Of course, her mother was older. An adult.

Then again, her mother never wore boots like that. His daughter was wearing knee high boots of soft black leather, with platforms and heels that curved the way an adult woman's body would curve. Her boots shone in the light. They were so clean. So shining. They reflected the light of the television, the light of--

“Daddy?” she snapped her fingers at him. She had been talking, and Nathan had missed it.

“What was that sweetie?”

“You're missing the movie, daddy.”

She smiled at him, and something about the smile seemed wrong. It didn't fit her body. Her body didn't fit her body.

He smiled at her, then sat down on the couch. She sat down, leaned back, and put those gorgeous boots in his lap. Crossed them at the ankle.

Nathan didn't even notice when he bent down and kissed the toes. He just kissed them and turned his eyes to the television.

He looked up and saw himself on the screen. Watched himself bending over and licking the leather boots in front of him. The same leather boots in his lap, the ones he was kissing and licking while he watched.

But there was something wrong. The boots in the video were on a much older woman. An older, but gorgeous woman. One who looked just like his daughter.

Nathan looked over at her. She smiled at him, an older smile than fit her young body. There was something wrong.

He looked at the little girl next to him, then at the young woman on the screen. He saw the white stockings and the school uniform on the woman in the movie, then looked at his little girl and saw the white stockings she was wearing. Saw his little girl in the same pleated skirt.

On screen, the woman whipped him. On screen, she told him he was a table, then put her feet up on him. On screen, she told him to put in the butt plug, and he watched himself do it.

Nathan looked over at his little girl. They had the same smile. He looked at the screen.

The woman on the screen was looking at the camera. Looking at him directly.

“Okay now,” she said. “When I snap my fingers, you're going to get dressed for work. You're going to go get in your car. Then you're going to wake up like you're coming home for the first time. Tell me you understand.”

“I understand.” Nathan didn't realize he was saying it out loud along with himself on the video.

“When you come in,” she said, “You're going to see me as the little girl you remember. You're going to see me like your little daughter. You're going to treat me like your daughter. And you're not going to do anything you don't want to do. When we sit down and watch this video, you're only going to do things you want to do. Things that you desire.”

Nathan looked over at his little girl, who no longer looked quite so little. “Which means you wanted to lick those,” she said.

He shifted in his seat, felt the butt plug still inside him.

“And when you hear me snap again, you're going to tell me, the real me, what you really desire. What you really want to happen. You're going to be completely honest, entirely truthful. Ready?”

On the screen, she snapped her fingers.

Nathan looked over at her. She smiled at him and raised one eyebrow.

“I want to keep doing this,” he said. “I want to be your slave, to worship you and serve you for as long as you'll have me. However you want me, however you'll have me.”

She smiled at him again. “And what do you want me to do to you?”

He took a breath, not wanting to answer. But he couldn't stop himself. “I want you to tie me up, to slap me, beat me, torture my nipples, spank me. Put me in a collar and a leash, gag me, fuck me. Anything you want.”

He almost threw his hand over his mouth to stop himself, to avoid saying anything more.

She laughed at him.

“And does it bother you that I'm your daughter? Your biological daughter.”

“No.” The word slipped out before he could think about it. “I want it to, but it doesn't. It bothers me that it doesn't.”

She smiled. “It's okay daddy,” she said. “We can make that go away.”

He smiled at her and let out a sigh of relief. He'd never said the words out loud before.

“The hypnosis can get rid of your guilt,” she said. “As long as that's what you really want.”

He nodded. “That's what I want,” he said.

She pulled out her pink lighter and flicked on the flame.

“Okay then.” she smiled at him. “Watch the flame, daddy.”

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